Normality is Overrated
Dictionaries define normal as something that is typical, common, usual, or expected. Granted, it is somewhat nice to be a smidge predictable, I wonder if we have put way too much stock in being ordinary and using the ‘status quo’ as a benchmark? My main issue with the term normal, when applied to people in particular, is that it’s generally defined and measured against what society considers to be abnormal. Normality might refer to what you personally consider typical or it might refer to an elusive measure of what’s normal for society as a whole. I, normally, take my coffee with a bit of maple syrup. If we took a poll of everyone who lives in my geographic region I suspect we’d discover that my coffee preferences are a bit abnormal.
When we say “I just want to be normal”- everyone knows what we mean and yet, we haven’t a clue what that actually means. It’s what I call a moving target because what’s normal in one situation, society, environment, moment of time, might be completely different in another. We rely on standards in many ways to create order and make sense of ourselves what’s around us, but it’s hardly an interesting benchmark to shoot for nor is it always practical. We accept the concept of normal as being based on ‘fact’, but it’s use (particularly when applied to human behavior) is subjective. It is usually describing an ideal that changes with the tides of trends, time, governing bodies, social attitudes, and knowledge. Remember, it was abnormal at one time for women to wear pants, and apparently, it is still normal for women’s pants to have completely useless little fake pockets!
So what is it that we really mean when we say I want to be normal? Perhaps what we are saying is, I want to be accepted. At other times, maybe what we are noticing is something which is impeding us and causing distress. Maybe we’re saying I want to belong, to be loved, to find peace with myself. This, to me, is much less elusive than aiming for normal. First, we have to come to an acceptance of the things we can’t change about ourselves and the things we ultimately might not want to change about ourselves. Then we have to be honest about the things we can change, which might be in some way holding us back or preventing us from full enjoyment in life. Is there something you can chance which will bring you closer to doing what you love and living a more meaningful life? Is there some other way of being that offers you more peace with yourself? It’s not a concern really if it is standard for anyone else, but what is your standard for yourself. Once we have self-acceptance I think it is much easier to slough off those who don’t accept us and to begin embracing and finding the people who do.
